Emily Haines is my number 1/hands down/forever/omg girl crush. She’s honest, intelligent, sincere, eloquent, tough, kind, informed, and like the babiest of mega babes. The next Metric album is coming out June 12th and here’s what she says it’s about:
SYNTHETICA is about insomnia, fucking up, fashion, all the devices and gadgets attached to our brains, getting wasted, watching people die in other countries, watching people die in your own country, dancing your ass off, questioning the cops, poetic justice, standing up for yourself, sex, the apocalypse, doing some stupid shit and totally regretting it but then telling everyone it made you stronger, leaving town as a solution to unsolvable problems, owning your actions and owning your time.
I went to the dentist today for the first time in like 3 years because the last time I went to the dentist she wanted to drill 6 (SIX!) of my teeth after a flawless appt just six months prior. I fled that office like a bank robber and vowed never to return to the dentist until this past Christmas when my mom scolded her adult child (me) for boycotting dental check-ups out of juvenile fear. She made me promise I would make an appointment, so I returned to NYC and literally googled “NYC dentist not a scam” and found the yelp page for Emagen Dental, which is nothing short of incredible. I read through the reviews and immediately assumed that everyone who had documented their experience there must belong to some sort of cult. No one could love their dentist as much as these wackos - we’re talking about fucking horrifying dentistry here, people!
I tried not to think about it until last week at which point I began talking to anyone who would and wouldn’t listen about my impending doom/dentist appointment. Well, I have drunken the Emagen Dental kool-aid because my appointment was the best thing in the world (as far as dental exams can go).
I think the staff could immediately tell that I was moderately petrified of being there because they asked me all these questions about where I’m from and then made me teach them how to say “thank you” in Czech so they could say it to me throughout the appointment (marry me). Maybe this won’t appeal to everyone because I realize that not everyone I know is a total nerd like myself, but my dentist appointment was basically like going to a class about my teeth. I don’t know if it’s just that dentistry has advanced since the last time I was actually in a dental office so maybe this happens everywhere now, but in addition to xrays and all that normal stuff, they took pictures of my teeth which loaded as jpegs in real time on a screen in front of my face. Then the dentist, Dr. Urtula, took me through slide by slide of each photo and xray and explained every little crevice, indentation and coloration of my pearly off-whites to me (I should really start drinking less coffee), in addition to telling me about stuff like MINERALS and ACIDS and which nerves are connected to your sinuses and all sorts of other fascinating sciency stuff like how vegetarians are at lower risk for getting cavities than meat eaters and people that love candy. Anyways, guess who is CAVITY FREE? That’s right! (fuck you, dentist from 3 years ago!).
And the most fortuitous part of the entire experience was that before he was a dentist, Dr. Urtula used to work at K7 Records! I am obvs pretty amped on this detail not only because of my own current profession but because it gives me the opportunity to tell the story about how once in 2008 I went to a podiatrist who was the podiatrist for Joey Ramone. Yeah that’s right, I have a podiatrist.